MUSES Convo with: Sofie Maria, Mom of triplets

Can you share your journey to motherhood and your initial reactions when you found out you were having triplets?

To be honest I never really dreamed of becoming a mother. I think that deep inside I was afraid of the responsibility to be a caregiver. I grew up with a father living in Greece and a mother living in Denmark, so she was raising me and my brother alone and I saw how many sacrifices she had to make for us.

However it all changed when I was about 30. Done with studies, working and living with Rasmus. Suddenly all I dreamed of was having a family. When I got pregnant the first time I had a miscarriage and I was shocked and devastated. Only 6 weeks after I got pregnant again. I remember clearly on Christmas Eve I started bleeding and my heart broke all over again, as I thought I was having another miscarriage. We had a scan a few days after and I did not expect good news.

Therefore I was very very happy when she said “I see two hearts beating……”. I remember I was smiling until she followed up with, “hold on.. I have to go get the doctor” I’ve never seen this before… you have 3 heart beats.. you’re having triplets. I was afraid, happy, shocked and in disbelief. Afraid of having another miscarriage as 20% experience that in triplet pregnancies. 

 

How did your pregnancy experience differ from what you expected, especially carrying three babies at once?

I dreamed of an active pregnancy. My pregnancy was the opposite. I was not able to do pregnancy yoga, run or even walk two miles. The doctor was measuring my uterus at every scan which made me very aware of the risks of being too active as it can lead to shortened uterus and in the worst case lead to birth before week 28.

I also expected pregnancy to be a joyful time filled with love and happiness. For me it was unfortunately a time full of worry and sometimes feeling alone as I did not know anyone going through a triplet pregnancy..

Looking back now, if I could change one thing, then I would have dared to be more happy.

 

What were some of the biggest challenges you faced during your pregnancy with triplets?

At first I was very very sick with nausea. I was constantly exhausted and at the end of the pregnancy I had difficulty breathing and even eating sufficiently.

For me the biggest challenge was not the corporeal but the mind; to be positive and believe that I was one of the 70% going home with all three babies.

Another challenge, which ended up being the biggest, was the fact that my son had resistance in the umbilical cord. At last it meant that the pregnancy could not carry on even though the two girls were doing fine in my stomach.

 

How did your partner support you throughout your pregnancy, and how do you both manage parenting responsibilities now?

Rasmus, my partner, always believed in me and never doubted that I could carry out the pregnancy. It helped me a lot. Besides that he took care of a lot of practical things when I was hospitalized. For example he bought 3 swing cradles and rearranged our entire home to accommodate three babies.

At the moment we have maternity leave together so parenting responsibilities are 50/50. Soon Rasmus will start working again and I will continue to stay at home with the babies till they are at least 15 months old.

 

What emotions did you experience during the birth of your triplets, and what was that experience like for you?

I had a planned cesarean section at 32+0. My emotions were all over and like a rollercoaster. I was relieved that my son finally could get the help he needed. At the same time I was feeling sad and had a bad conscience towards the two girls for ending their pregnancy 8 weeks early.

At the start of the c-section, I was overwhelmed with fear, having never undergone any kind of surgery before. But the moment Rasmus and I heard Cornelia's (baby A) first cry, everything changed. We locked eyes, and all my fear vanished. In that instant, I was filled with love, excitement, and the realization that within minutes, I would officially become a mother of three.

 

As a new mom to triplets, how do you prioritize self-care while taking care of your babies and your partner?

Rasmus and I have a schedule that allows us to have “free time” alone every day. It really works for us as we recharge in different ways. I prioritize going to the gym, taking a long bath or going for a walk. When I do that, Rasmus takes care of all three babies and vice versa. Sometimes the babies go bananas, and I am being called back. But most days it works perfectly. 

Turns out, self-care is more important than I realized—I learned this the hard way. My hair, which has always been a part of my identity and something I took pride in, ended up suffering from all the neglect. It got so bad that I had to grab a pair of scissors and cut some of it off at home. Let’s just say it was a humbling reminder to make myself a priority now and then.

 

What strategies do you use to balance your time between caring for your triplets and nurturing your relationship with your partner?

We are still learning and at the moment we don't nurture our relationship as I think we should or as we used to do. The challenge is that no one wants to look after the triplets alone, as they are only 5 months old, so going to the cinema or a nice restaurant is not an option right now. Sometimes I cook for Rasmus (more often he cooks for me to be honest). But most importantly I tell him everyday how much I appreciate him and love him. We are both aware that it is just a phase and we have to work as a team to make everything work right now.

 

How has becoming a mom to triplets changed your dreams and aspirations for the future?

Oh, the arrival of the triplets changed everything for me. I was studying at Copenhagen Business School 3 times a week besides working 37 hours. Being away from home 09:00-21:00 is not an option anymore. I would like to finish my studies, but to be honest I prioritize being with my kids.

In the end I don't think we will regret the hours spent with our families but I think I will regret being away from the triplets now. Also they were born premature, so the plan is to be home till they are at least 15 months. workwise I am not sure how my next chapter will be but I will choose with my heart. 

 

What are some tips or advice you would give to other mothers expecting multiples?

Two very important things. The first thing is to stop worrying about everything. Honestly how the pregnancy turns out is totally out of your hands. You can't control your uterus and you can't control when giving birth.

Try to be happy and take a deep breath. Everything will be okay. A wise doctor said to me “you can worry and be unhappy for the rest of the pregnancy, but it wont change the outcome” Therefore choose positive thoughts. 

Another wise tip is to prepare for the arrival because when the multiples are here you are out of time to go shop a wardrobe or a stroller. And one last thing! Forget all about perfection. Let go of the thought of a perfect house, matching sweaters and being the perfect host when expecting guests. Don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help. (extra hands is everything)

Don't forget—you’re doing an incredible job, and you’re giving it your all, which is exactly what matters most.

 

How do you navigate the logistics of daily life with triplets, from feeding schedules to outings?

When the triplets first arrived we were admitted to the neonatal unit and we got a lot of help with planning the meals, bath routines, sleeping routines etc. After a month we were sent home, and had to make our own routines. At first we were recommended to synchronize their meals and naps to make everything easier. But the funny thing is that they might be triplets but they have very different personalities and are literally three different persons who don't want to sleep or eat at the same time. As a result, we’re tailoring everything much more closely to meet their individual needs… which can result in very long nights..

For me, as a very outgoing and extrovert person, it has been difficult to stay at home as much as needed to get their routines working. But if I push the limit and choose to go out for too many hours I pay the price in the evening by staying up all night with three overtired  screaming babies.

 

What has been the most rewarding aspect of being a mom to triplets so far?

The love I receive and the love I’m able to give is immeasurable. Being a mom to triplets can be challenging, but it’s also filled with triple the joy—three first smiles, three first laughs. Motherhood has given my life a deeper, more meaningful purpose, one that feels less self-centered.

 

How do you stay connected with your own identity and interests while adjusting to the demands of motherhood?

I prioritize my friends as they remind me of all the things I am besides being a triplet mom.

To be completely honest I think my identity changed after giving birth. I took the opportunity to step back and finally release things that were never truly aligned with my purpose.